


Kissing love into his skin

by Marium



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Benny Creations Challenge, Benny POV, Character Study, M/M, and what they bring out in each other, basically Benny's inner monologue as he reflects on his relationship with Dean, more like relationship study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-25 03:23:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10755708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marium/pseuds/Marium
Summary: But perhaps, what Benny loved most about Dean was that when he was with him, Dean made Benny see himself as someone who deserved a chance.





	Kissing love into his skin

The one and only thing Benny could say with complete certainty in this new life of his was that he loved Dean.

He loved him with every single ounce of himself he had. That was the one truth that guided him through everything now. Everything else was blurry, from who he was, to what he deserved, to what his place in the world was, and even whether he actually deserved to hold Dean close to his chest late at night. If he didn’t have love for Dean overflowing through every pore of his skin, he’d be nothing. He’d be lost.

The love he felt for Dean, he couldn’t even begin to define it. The bond they forged in Purgatory evolved, steady and strong until it was what it became now, but it never lost what it had been. He loved Dean in every single way, with the selflessness of a true friend, the loyalty of a war comrade, the utter dedication of family, and held him as his lover. Dean was all and even more.

He couldn’t function without Dean. He knew that, and was OK with it.

-0-o-0-o-0-

_ Benny’s lips are pursed together in a thin line as he walks into the room. He looks at the man, who languidly motions for him to sit down, and Benny complies with a sour expression. He could fake a friendlier mood, if he wanted to, but it’s not worth it. _

_ There’s barely any light in the room, so dark that if either of them was human, they couldn’t see each other’s faces. There is one human in the room, though, a young woman lying on the man’s lap, who lets him take her arm and bite into the flesh, draining the blood. He motions it towards Benny afterwards in offer, and although Benny’s pupils widen far more than they should, he shakes his head and grunts. _

_ “It’s been a long time, Benny” the man finally says, smiling faintly. Benny doesn’t return it. _

_ “Not long enough in my book, I’m afraid.” _

_ “Rude.” The vampire shrugs, and doesn’t look too offended. In fact, he gifts Benny with another glinting grin, a hint of mischief to it. “It’s a shame, considering how long we knew each other, right?” _

_ “That was a long time ago, things have changed. I don’t wanna go back in any way.” _

_ “Oh, right. The Winchester boy has got you tamed, or so I hear. Another shame, thinking of who you used to be. In another time, he’d be in your lap just like Isabelle is in mine.” _

_ Benny closes his eyes and fists his hands. Normally he wouldn’t let the taunt get to him, but he’s irritable right now, since the smell of blood is assaulting his nose in waves and it’s starting to get hard to keep his fangs inside his hums. He passes his tongue over them and gazes at his former nestmate and occasional lover again. The sooner he gets this done, the sooner he leaves. _

_ “You call it tamed, I call it having an actual home. Not that it really matters, I’m the one calling the shots in my life.” _

_ The man shrugs again and brings his girl’s arm to his mouth once again. This time, he lets some of the blood fall down to her elbow, and he chases the drops back to the wound with his tongue. He doesn’t miss the way Benny’s eyes fix on the crimson liquid and smiles, although he doesn’t comment anything on it. However, he is the one to speak next. _

_ “I was hoping you wanted to see me for a social visit, but I’m afraid you aren’t being too friendly, so why don’t we get to the point?” _

_ Benny nods and crosses his arms. “Sounds mighty nice to me. Look, I just want you to give me some names, that’s all. Old friends we both know would better be dead. Some have been tracking us, so we thought we better get the hit on the rest of them before they decide to give trouble too. You know where they are, so...” _

_ Benny makes a gesture with his hand to indicate the other to speak. He just scowls a bit and brings his fingers to his lips. _

_ “Why would I tell you?” _

_ “Because if I’m not outside in ten minutes Dean’s coming in and he’s gonna torture it out of you.” Benny shrugs. “Your choice.” _

_ “You brought him here?” The man is suddenly not relaxed, hands turned into claws and leaning forward as he grits his teeth, both anger and fear plain in his face. Benny offers a lazy smile and waves his hand. The vampire forces himself to calm down and nods, although still visibly crisped. “Alright. As you said, they’re better off dead anyway.” _

_ “Glad you’re so reasonable, my friend.” _

_ Five minutes later, Benny is putting away a paper with many different directions written on it in his pocket. The man offers a handshake and a wry smile, but when Benny just eyes it with a raised eyebrow and makes no effort to shake the offered hand, he sighs, slightly disappointed, and drops it. _

_ “You’ve changed for real, Benny, haven’t you?” _

_ “That I have” Benny agrees amiably. “If I’m lucky I’ll never see you again.” _

_ “Do you ever think about it?” the man continues, trying to prompt Benny into something. “The life we used to have, how we had everything we wanted? It was nice, wasn’t it? Surely you miss it sometimes.” _

_ However, Benny knits his brow together, equally confused and appalled. He shakes his head. _

_ “I got someone I love, man. He’s all I need. Not even tempted.” _

-0-o-0-o-0-

Dean was a great man, Benny knew that. Not just great in the sense of wonderful and admirable, but important. His name was something meaningful in Heaven and a nightmare in Hell. He had had a place in the history of humanity and changed it out of sheer willpower. In the whole of cosmos, Dean was a giant; Benny, not so much.

Maybe it was just because of a stubborn refusal to believe otherwise, but Benny thought there was a place for him in Dean’s life, too. That it hadn’t been just pure dumb luck that had brought Dean into Purgatory and into Benny’s life. He liked to believe he was in Dean’s life for a purpose, too, even if it was likely just wishful thinking. Dean himself had told him that the great plan for him was over and forgotten.

It wasn’t hard to believe, though. At risk of being prideful and self-centered, Benny didn’t have much trouble seeing why a higher power would bring him into Dean’s life. How likely it was that a hunter met a dead vampire, of all people, in the only circumstances that would allow them to not try to kill one another on the spot and grow close? Because, even if it pained him so deeply, Dean needed him. He needed Benny to be there for him.

Benny hated it, but Dean didn’t hold himself in high regard. No, digging just a little deeper into  the cheeky behavior and easy smile, not hard to reach if you just put enough interest in him, lied a sea of insecurities, regrets, frustrations, self-contempt and sorrow. It was at constant storm and near impossible to navigate.

Benny had always been a sailor, though. He could manage it.

It wasn’t like he was the only one who loved Dean, but due to his often difficult relationship with others, Benny was usually the one fittest to do it. He took him in his arms and muttered into his skin that he loved his voice, shivered from pleasure on his laugh, and could stare into his eyes for the rest of his life. That he enjoyed every single one of his silly jokes and puns, that he admired his dedication, and adored both his rough and his kind.

He took that adoration, so deeply ingrained in him, and made Dean understand that every single second of it was deserved. He tried make up for the love Dean didn’t feel feel for himself with the one he did feel, and sometimes he even managed it. It made Benny feel thrilled, and as long as his presence was good to Dean, no matter anything, he’d stay by his side.

Still, he sometimes felt that he was unfit to stand beside someone like Dean. It didn’t matter, though, because Dean loved him all the same, and that was all Benny needed to vanish any doubt from his mind.

-0-o-0-o-0-

_ Benny is pressing some soft, languid kisses onto Dean’s shoulder as the man in his arms, who is still gasping and shaking, slowly calms down and settles still into his lover’s embrace, enjoying the last moments of the afterglow and going loose. Benny smirks, presses one last, long kiss right between Dean’s shoulder blades, and then slips his hand upwards from Dean’s groin as his arms circle him tightly and he proceeds to simply spoon him, melting into the warmth the human’s skin gives him. _

_ Dean is just as relaxed and happy as Benny feels, at first. However, as minutes marked by kisses onto Dean’s nape go by, the vampire feels that the tension, which he had the intention of chasing away when he started hungrily undressing Dean, is coming back, not as strong as before but still there. He sighs, so weak that Dean doesn’t even notice. He starts rubbing Dean’s arms with his fingertips, his back too inaccessible to rub the tension off there. It works, but not quite enough, so eventually Benny presses a particularly long kiss to Dean’s scalp and talk. _

_ “That was something quite pretty there, what you said about me. You know, the being as worthy as the next winged sonofabitch thing. It moved me, and I’m not being sarcastic here. Thank you.” _

_ Dean and Benny hadn’t been in a hunt earlier that day. For once, they were going out just for the sake of it, have some fun and enjoy their time with each other, laughing and fooling around for a bit. The usual weight on Dean’s eyes had even disappeared completely for almost an hour, replaced by a special shine that was reserved only for Benny. Regardless of it, they still ended up sitting in a cafeteria talking to some weird guy. Of course. It was what happened to them. _

_ It was an angel, wound up and stiff. The derision was plainly visible in his voice as he talked to Dean, who had gone back to tension just from his presence, about wanting his help with some demon big name. They dropped names like Lilith, Azazel and even Lucifer during the conversation, and Dean didn’t even blink at it. Benny was left to look at him in wonder and once more remember just who was the man he fucked into at night. _

_ Dean wasn’t pleased by the angel’s presence. His face was turned into a scowl, and the first thing he asked about once the other was done was why not go to Castiel instead, or why not have him be the one to ask Dean instead. _

_ “We don’t want any contact with him. Even you are a better option” the angel said, although going by the sneer in his face, it was clear his opinion on the human wasn’t that much higher, and he didn’t bother hiding that either. “We know you have a personal hate for demons and you have experience being bait. It should be easy enough.” _

_ “Excuse me, but why don’t we make a lil’ pause right here, man?” Benny interrupted, his friendly words completely unmatching the angry scowl on his face, eyes narrowed and teeth gritted. How did he dare. After the angel’s words, Dean had gone ever more tense than before, eyes cast down in pensive anger. Benny slipped an arm around his shoulders comfortingly, not even thinking about it. “Dean here ain’t no bait. If that’s all you want from him, you can fuck the hell off as far as I’m concerned:” _

_ “And what makes you think that what you think is relevant?” the other replied, setting his eyes on Benny for the first time in the half an hour they’d been there, full of disgust and scorn. “You’re just a dirty dark stain with no business with a celestial being and the righteous man. You should just be grateful I didn’t smite you the second I came close enough to do so.” _

_ All the while, Dean had showed no sign of giving in to the disdain he felt for the angel. When he talked to Benny, though, he didn’t as much as hesitate to grab his half-empty cup of coffee and throw its content into the angel’s face. Other patrons, as well as Benny, looked in shock, but Dean didn’t spare a single glance. _

_ “You know, I was actually thinking about this, but no one speaks to Benny like that. He’s far better than your holier-than-thou ass can ever hope to be, and he’s just as worthy to be here. And you don’t speak like that to me either, for that matter. You can just fuck off and go face that sonofabitch on your own. Hopefully you’ll die on the attempt, and then we’ll take care of it ourselves. It’s not like you angels have ever been good for anything anyway.” _

_ Dean didn’t wait for any sort of reply and left the table. Benny gave the angel a shrug and an easy grin and followed. He didn’t feel like Dean was up to talking about it, so he kept his mouth shut, thinking that they’d work the tension off once back home. _

_ And he managed it. Only now it’s gone and Dean is all worked up again. Benny wishes his kisses were enough to get it all away. _

_ “He was an ass, I enjoyed telling him off. And what I said was true. You’re no unworthy stain, he had no right to speak to you like that.” _

_ Benny pulls a little smile as he makes Dean turn in his embrace until they’re face to face. He kisses him slow and sweet and then locks into his eyes, caressing his cheek. _

_ “Sweetheart, you know I don’t give a shit what he thinks about me. It doesn’t bother me and it shouldn’t bother you either. You’re far too good for some self-righteous glorified pidgeon that’s jealous of you because you, mere mortal, are more important to the whole of everything than he’ll ever be, to affect you.” _

_ “He doesn’t affect me” Dean scoffs and rolls his eyes. His expression sweetens, though, and he pulls Benny in for another kiss before hiding his face on his neck. He doesn’t say anything else, but Benny feels the ‘but’ all the same. _

_ “But it touches a sore point?” he ventures, voice soft, and feels Dean shiver a little in his arms. He won’t get Dean to answer to that, he knows it, so he just smiles sadly and kisses the top of his head, suppressing the surge of anger that rushes through him. “That’s all gone now, Dean. You’re so much more than a tool and I won’t let you forget that. I’ll make sure no one treats you like that. You know that, right?” _

_ He doesn’t see Dean’s smile, but he feels it against his skin and hears the human’s heartbeat flutter in excitement. He knows the smile is genuine. _

_ “I know.” _

-0-o-0-o-0-

But perhaps, without taking any weight from everything else, what Benny loved most about Dean was what the human brought out in himself.

Benny didn’t love himself, either. He guessed that kissing some self-love into Dean was hypocritical, in that sense, but that was an hypocrisy he had no problems living with. But the moment he looked at Dean, Benny became someone who could look at the mirror and not hate what he saw for the first time since warm blood stopped running through his veins.

Don’t get him wrong, he’d loved Andrea with everything he had. Andrea, who had accepted and loved him for everything he was. The only thing he would change of what he had shared with her was that he had led her to her death, he thought ruefully; that definitely had made a great contribution to his lack of self-love.

But what couldn’t be denied was that when he was with her, he had denied his nature, had run away from who he was. He didn’t have the chance to do that with Dean, when every day he was so acutely reminded that his life was as far from normal as it could be, and eventually, he found himself realizing that he didn’t mind.

Because what did it matter that he drank blood when Dean had gone from being put off by it to comfortably handling him a pack when he thought Benny might be a little hungry? Was it really that bad that he had fangs inside his gums when Dean offered him a chance to use them to ‘save people, hunt things’ instead of preying on humans? And maybe, if his occasional run ins with former nestmates made him gloomy and pensive afterwards, doubting about his place next to a human so deeply  _ good _ , he enjoyed a bit too much when Dean pressed against him and muttered that there wasn’t an ounce of bad in him, words between kiss and kiss.

Nor did he see a reason to worry that his body was cold, his blood didn’t flow, and his nose and ears allowed him to catch on far too much, if it made Dean’s skin set his aflame, allowed him get intoxicated in his scent, and made his heartbeat loud in his ears when Benny held him and worshipped his body, making Dean’s pleasure his own.

-0-o-0-o-0-

_ Benny’s eyes are tightly shut and he has a hand pressed against his lips. He curses to himself and wonders when the hell Dean’s going to come back; each minute feels like an hour. He instinctively takes a deep breath to try to calm himself, and that proves to be a fatal mistake. _

_ The smell of fresh, human blood fills his lungs and he cannot stop his gums from dropping, thirsty and lustful for a taste. _

_ He’s unable to keep his eyes from turning to the woman on the opposite edge of the room. She’s not bleeding badly, but the blood out of her wound is enough to intoxicate Benny. It’d all be easier if Dean was there with him, but he’d run off after the creature while screaming at Benny not to leave her alone. Trusting him not to give in. _

_ Now, Benny’s just a few seconds away from betraying that trust. _

_ With a strength he didn’t know he had, Benny manages to turn his eyes away, but the smell keeps pushing at him, invading his nostrils and reminding him just how delightful the taste of warm human blood is. He grits his teeth and slams his head into the wall, raking his nails against it. _

_ He forces himself to think of something else. The image of Dean invades his mind. _

_ Benny is a weak man, he’s never denied that. He knows he would have given in a long time ago, if he didn’t have someone who he can’t bear the thought of failing. His bloodlust is strong, but not quite as much as the dread that fills him when he thinks of Dean’s betrayed and disappointed face if he saw Benny losing against everything he’s been fighting. Dean who, once again, trusts him so blindly that he hasn’t even thought that Benny would be unable to control himself. _

_ His fangs won’t go up. Instead, he makes them pierce through his own lip. He grunts in pain, but he smirks; the pain takes his mind off the red stains on the woman’s clothes. At least for long enough. _

_ Dean notices the messy, ugly wounds on his lip, of course. All it takes is a look at him and then he’s turning his dismayed eyes to the victim, realizing only then what her smell would do to Benny. He sees a look of guilt on Dean’s eyes, but he shakes his head, and neither of them mention it. However, once in the car, Dean puts his hand on Benny’s shoulder and squeezes, smiles at him, and Benny knows he made Dean proud; he can’t help but grin as Dean leans in to kiss him softly, careful to avoid his wounded zone. He keeps smiling the rest of the way back home, which Dean makes in record time to feed him blood and heal him. _

_ He knows he can’t fail. Won’t fail. Not as long as Dean believes the same. _


End file.
